captions paid for by warner bros. Inc. Once upon a time in the projects... pjs projects heboy in a homemade bungalow e-way street ya ya ya ya, ya ya ya livin' in the pjs ng made possible by touchstone television and fox broadcasting christmas is suc a peaceful time. I'm always so sad when it's over. Hyah! [Grunts] Get there and burn! [Humming a tune] Muriel, I'm burning these flying monke unless you speak up. Muri: Those are my grandmother's angels! Oh! Too late! Now I'm sad. Thurgood, you're experiencing what's called the post-holiday blues. Ust me. It'll pass. And you know there's still new year's to look forward to. Hey, that's right. And thisear's the new millennium. I can't remember the last tim we had one of those. This calls for a party. I'll go to hud for some supplies. Woman: Party supplies? Huh. Let me consult the manual. Let's see: "Supplies, comma, party." Ah! Here it isnext! Hey, H. Come on. It'll be a safe party. No one's gonna get hur we just fire our guns straight up in the air. The bullets disappear into spa. Fine. Then throw ur own party. The only thing hud's required to give y for new year's 2000 is this... oh! "Millennium safety kit?" Oh, it endorsed by gloria gaynor. See you next! ...Year. I know you're all excited about the party. And you're gonna love the theme I came up with. Now, what's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of new year's? Black-eyed peas and collard greens. Champagne. Dick clark's big ball. Ha ha! No. No. No. The beach. Hmm? Hmm? Come on, people. Think logically. What do we do every neyear's? We drink. And what happens after we drink? We throw up. And how do we throw up? In waves. And where do we find waves? The beach! He's got a point. Now, to pull this party off, we're nna have to share the responsibilities and form committees. I'll make the food. Ha, and I'll give the food flavor. Next is entertainment. Jiy, you're good with that. But you got to keep it legal. Just t my hands, why don't you? Kids, why don't you handle the decorations? Does it matter that we've ner seen a beach? You know howard beach, don't you? Make it like that, but without the baseball bats. Ll help the children. I can make it just like haiti. There'll be swaying palm trees, white sand, and pools of cholera. Ok, good. Everybody's got something to do. [Cuban accent] I don'T. Uh, sorry, sanchez, all the bs are taken. Well, if that's it-- I could help someone. [Mutters] Ok. Who would like sanchez on their cmittee? [Cricket chirps] Thgood: Anyone? Anyone? [Chirp] Cricket? Hirp] Ohwait a minute. Is walter here? No. Good. Shouldn't have gone to work, walter. All right. We need come up with some party games. Something intellectual, yet stulating. I know. We'll do strip chess. Ha ha hayeah! Oh, yeah. As i bishop takes queen. Knight to pawn 4. You see, it's stupid becae... that move would be suicide. Get out. Ok, guys. We don't have much time so let's wor as fast as we can. All right. Green one here. Red one here. Blue one here. Ay. No. No. No. This is all wrong. Just put the freakin' sprinkles on the freakin' cookies, you freakin' freak. It was when mrs. Avery kept hitting me and hitting me that I started feeling, you know, maybe people don't want me around. Well, that's ridicous. You're just being too sensitive. Well, I'm about close the door now. Un momento. I still need something to do. Hmm. If 's gonna stop you from spouting off at the neck, fine. You can, uh... uh... take care of thi wow. Tnks, thurgood. Survival. That's muy importante. Shall I go over it and report back you? Oh, god, no. Why don't you write up a memo and hand it out? Thout talking. Could I possibly-- [Whistling] [Ziggy marley's torrow people playing] Hold on hold on hey tomorrow people where is the past? Come on. Come on. [Bantering oh, yeah! Hey, thurgood, how about a couple of cold ones? You got it. [Wind howls] Heh! Attention, everybody. Attention. Shut up. He's talki. Its now 11:58. Exactly 2 minutes to the n millennium. [All cheer] People, let us take a moment to reflect on the past 1,000 years. We began in thdark ages, a time of ignorance. Get on with it! I'm missing my reruns. All right. All right. The future begins in 10, 9, 8... 8... 8... 8... huh! 3, 2, 1! All: Happy new yr! [Frightened moans] Oh, myod. What's going on? What hpened to the power? The lights are out all over the city. [Car alarm wails] [Dog barks] [Siren blares] All right. Who can solve this ? . Montez. Last saturday in the army reserve... I figured out how to link up 23 bradleys, 40 tanks, 60 humvees, 4 medivac units... and 7,000 troops on the move. On monday, class was no sweat. [ Teacher ] Not bad, mr. Montez. As little as one weekend a month, two weeks a year. What is a hero? Are heroes born? Or are they made? In afterschool programs, your kids will uncover hidden strengths, discover they have the power to change their future, and find the hero... inside themselves. Let us know you want afterschool programs in your area. Helping kids find the hero within. [Machine-gun fire] [Siren wails] [Shotgun blasts] [Woman screams] What happened to the lights? Super, what's going on? Don't you read your bible? It's the rapture! Oh, lord, whdidn't I read my bible? Let there be light! [Belches] All right. All right. Just stay calm, everybody. Great. The power's out for who knows how long, and we used up all our food for this party. Now, there's no need panic. We have he and light from the flaming coconut trees, and plenty of drinking water. Aah! Put 'em o! Put 'em out! Use all the water! Oh, great. Now, what do we do, eh? We wait a respectable time, then we start eating each other. Super, make him stop. Shh! Shh! Quiet. Listen. [Salsa music playing] Hey, that sounds like e of sanchez' records. Apparently, nobody told him there's no electricity. Sanchez, open up! Sanchez: Who is it? Ah, mis amigos, forgive me. Come in. Thurgood: Distilled water? Freeze-dried food? Apocalypse chow? Sanchez, what are you doinwith all this stuff? I ocked up in preparation for the y2k disaster, like I recommended in my safety report. Didn't you all read it? Nobody read it? Well, what did you do with it? [Cheering] Ay-yi-yi. Sometimes I don't know why I put up with you people. Page one: "Access to checks, food stamps, and supplies "will be indefinitely interrted as hud computers are not y2k compliant." What's y2k? What's compliant? Ay, dios mio, lord, give me strength. All the stores have been sold out for days but, fortunately for you, someone had the foresight to plan ahead and the generosity to share with his friends. Oh, really? Thanks, sanchez. Ok. Every man for himself! Nono. People, wait! That food has to last. Hey, not so much milk! Huh? Mrs. Avery, how much toilet paper dyou need? The city may hav stopped making water, but I haven'T. Thanks, sanchez. We'll see you later. Oops. Gonna need so bing cherries too with my powdered ice cream. What the-- my food, my rules. These are yo ration packs for the week. No the powdered food can be eaten as is. The water is to unconstrict your throat, shld you choose to eat the powdered food. What'd hsay? 8 ounces of water? I may have a hump, but I ain't no camel. I need more. I know this all seems a little severe, but we can get throughhis, if we can just exercise a little self-denial and a healthy sense of fun. Well, those are really one d the same, aren't they? [All grumble] Mis amigos, don't look so sad. Our unity and trust will see us through. Now, if u would all please turn away while I hide the key. Oh, that's cold. There are no feminine products in here. Does he know ything about women? Heh. Well, look on the bright side. There's also no water for us tretain. Ha ha! Hmm. So, then the doctor said, "wrecked 'em? Damn near killed 'em." Yeah. No matter how many times I tell that joke, I still don't get it. No. I'm serious. Sanchez: Buenos dias! Wasn't that a glorious breakfast? Yeah. Nothing sticks to the ribs like 2 raisins. We got to go, thurgood. Yeah. See you ound, thurgood. I don't get it, thurgood. I'm helping everybody out, yet they still don't want to be around me. Be honest. Is there something wrong with tm? Well, sanchez, believe it or not, most people find it hard to feel love and admiration for somebody who gives them soap made from fish-hea. Every pa of the herring is useful. You've been using toothpaste made from their bile ducts, and you didn't seem to mind. [Gags] I thought you would all respect me for my resourcefulness and strict discipline. Much the way I respected and dreaded my own father. Sanchez, you got to work on your people skis a little. Try to be nice to the tenants. Reward them for puttin up with your nonsense-- uh, er, uh, inspired leadership. S. Reward them. And I know just the way. My father will be ashameof my weakness, but I'll do it. [Salsa music playing, overlapping conversations] Thanks for the banquet, mr. Sahez. This was really nicof you. No need to thank me. Any good leader knows to be generous to his-- do you really need a third helping of--?! Have a gd time. Thurgood, isn't it customary to publiclthank the benefactor? Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. [Tapping his glass] Hey, everybody, let's all raise a gls to t man who made this possible. The hoess who's throatless, the man wi the spam... uh, sanchez. Yeah. All right. Runk] Huh? Yeah. Um, what's goin' on? Thank you for coming out tonight. I just want to say I'm proud of how we've all pulled togher during this time of crisis. It means a lot to me tonow I have your support and love. You don't have our love. You have our food! Bebe! Bebe, you're drunk. Better than being unk with power, like mr. Microphone. [All shu her] Don't give me that shush! You were all sayingt earlier. The only reason any of us was nice to you tonight was because we was tired of eating like astronauts! I got a half a mind to-- uh, thank you. The comedy stylings of bebe ho. Uh, give it up. So, it's like that, eh? Back in cuba, my father had a saying "bite the hand that feeds you, "and it'll be the last bite you take, "you pitiful, little mama's bo why can't you be more like your brother? And the me goes for all of you. Except for that last part. So, enjoy your meal, for it will be the last one you'll get from me. Aughs menacingly] And another thing... [Gasps] Oh. Mmm. Listen now. I'll trade you this beef jerky for those batteries. Deal. Oh, yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Bebe gonna be smooth tonight! Oh-ho, yes! [Door opens] Well. Ahem. Asps] Um-hmm. Uh-huh. [Sighs nvously] Don't be afraid. Come forward. My consigliere tes me that you want some soap. What happened to the soap you were given? Uh, forgive me. It--it was so small. I--I dropped it, and it--it fell through-- silence! You shall have your soap. It will be a fav from one friend to another. , Thank you, don sanchez. You know, my friend, I've always admired your ju ju stick. Oh. Well, uh, then maybe you can borrow it sometime. I--I mean, won't you please keep it as long as you like? [Sobs softly] "Don sanchez, "I would like to express my gratitude "for iiting me to your home. "And may the undernts you give me today be masculine ones." Let's all thank bebe, thfounder of the feast. And thank the pussycat boutique, who luckily had a sale on edible underwear a week before this disaster struck. [Dog growls] Juicy, that ain't even real steak. Don't care! [Growls] Oh, that's it! We have to put a stop to that tyra before we all starve. He wouldn't be so hh and mighty he didn't have that stupid key to the supply cage. Well, then we'll just have to take it from him. [Squeak] Hmm. [Singing in spanish] Sanchez: , Si, si oh, si, si, si oh, n oh, si oh, si, oh, no, oh, [Hums] No, oh, no oh, si looking for this? Should I kick 'em out? [Snoring] I'm gonna pick the lock. He's gonna pick the lock. He's gonna pickhe lock. Tell him it's pick-proof. Aah! Walter: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! I just don't g it. Hocan sanchez always be one step ahead of us? Yeah. It's almost as if somee has been ratting us out... [Belch] In exchange for food! Aha! You got cheeto fgers! Asp] What should we do with her? I say we grease her. Now, hold on! Before you even talk to me, think on this. I know exact where he keeps that key. Forget it! We can't trust her. Don't woy. She won't sell us out. 'Cause if you , it's gonna be snuff doggy dog. Lucky. Ok, mrs. Avery. You come back with that key or... [Whimpers] Ohh. Lock the door, sanchez! They onto me! Sorry, lucky! Ow! Get him! [All shouting at once] Sanchez, your reign of terror over! You have no richarwright to treat us this way, you native son of a bitch! Now, where's the key? You hearhim. Give us the key. We will die before we give up our precious key, won't we, tarnell? Please, I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. Get up, you pitiful little mama's boy and act like a man. [Voicebox falters] Go ahead, tear the place apart. You'll--[Buzz], Find it. What's the matter with your voicebox? There's nothing wrong with it at all. Unh! Unh! Thurgo: Oh, the key! Oh! Whoa! That's not the key to the food cage, idiots. That's t key to my gun cabinet! Ha ha ha ha ha! [Triggers cock] Uh-oh. Give us the key, sanchez, or be prepared to meet your filthyaker. Uh-oh. You win. You win. No. I win! Ha ha ha ha ha! Say heo to my little friend. Our plan worked, sanchez. We got the dp on 'em. Shut your pill hole, you old ba [All gasp] I release this lever, and the whole building comes down. I tried to make you love me. Now you will fear me. In this city of darkness, I am the only one who cagive you light! What the-- the lights are back on. They're on all over town. It's or! But I'm still the only source of food. H! A truck's pulling up to the grocery store! [All cheer] Uh, does anyone have a spare grenade pin? Hello? I can't put the grenade down less I replace the pin. I'm serious. He maybe this will work. Captions paid for by warner bros. Inc.